This past weekend

March 8, 2010

To whom it may concern,

This weekend was alright at times and hell during other times. I had originally planned to do this daily, but I went out Friday night to try to take my mind off of things. Nothing special or big, just over to a buddy’s house to play Halo. We ended up staying up all night and going to the Pittsburgh Penguins game the next day, student rushing. If you don’t know what that is, look it up on their website, I don’t feel like trying to explain. But I was completely exhausted after having been up for 36 hours. So no time to write.

How’d it go? Eh, it was fun while I forgot about it all, but there were times when I’d think about her and I’d break a little bit. It was nice to try to get my mind off of it for a day, though.

When I got back, though, it was right back to my lonely reality. I crashed immediately and woke up throughout the night with nightmares. They all involved her. I’d have left her and she’d moved on already. I know it’s going to happen, it’s just something I don’t want to think about right now.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. I don’t know if I’m going to be getting a job out of school, the economy really blows still. I know it’s a year or so off, but it’s in the back of my mind. I’ve really been considering joining the Army. It’s something I’ve felt like I’ve always needed to do. I live in the greatest country in the world and no matter my opinion on the war, I will support the military 100%. I feel like I have a duty to the country and I want to be able to live up to it. Am I conditioned enough for it? I don’t think so. I think it’s something I’m going to have to work for, just like a lot of things in life. Will it be worth it? I don’t know, but I’d be willing to find out.

I miss her a lot. It’s not easy to go a day without talking to her, let alone this past week. I really hope she’s doing well. I hope her friends and family are trying to let her know I’m an asshole and not worthy of her. I deserve this hell.

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